Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum

To my beautiful girls,

You are the last thing I think about at night when I try to get some sleep.

I think about all the times that day when I’ve raised my voice to you. All the times I’ve had to work when you wanted me to play.

I think about how quickly you’re growing up, how much you are changing. And about the things I miss when I’m not with you.

I remember the times when you’ve been trying to get my attention whilst I’ve been talking or doing something. And the times you’ve asked to paint, bake or sing with me and I’ve said no.

I lie in bed and contemplate how I could have done things better. And I realise that tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum.

Tomorrow, I will let you take your time getting ready to go out. I’ll remember that if we’re late, it doesn’t really matter.

When we’re walking down the road and you don’t want to hold my hand, I won’t get cross. I’ll remember how sensible you are and I’ll let you walk quietly next to me like you always do.

When you ask to help me with the cooking, I’ll find something that you can do. When the dinner is about to burn but you want a cuddle, I’ll stop what I’m doing, because I’m your mum.

When I’m on my phone and you want a chat, I’ll put my phone down and we’ll talk.

We’ll talk about the fun things like Christmas. We’ll go shopping, buy gifts and wrap them together.

We’ll discuss the difficult things too, like where babies come from and why we all have to die. This time, I won’t put your question off for another day.

When you say the same word again and again, I’ll listen harder and try to understand.

When you ask to go to the park in the rain or have a picnic on the lounge floor, we’ll do it. Why wouldn’t we, what does it matter?

And then I’ll drift off to sleep for a few short hours.

Soon, I’ll hear your voices forcing me to wake from dreams of all the wonderful things we’re going to do together.

And I’ll wake up in the real world, the grown up one. The world of sleep deprivation, stress, pressure and a multitude of things that just have to be done.Tomorrow I'll be a better mum

And you’ll be dawdling, singing and wanting to chat when we’re due to be somewhere. I’ll have work pressures, emails pinging into my inbox, people phoning and asking me to take on just one more thing.

There will be bins to put out, floors to clean, dishes that need washing and dinners that need cooking.

And you will still be my beautiful, patient, happy little girls. You’ll keep yourselves entertained. You’ll glance up at me for approval and see that I’m busy.

You’ll ask me to come to you, to play, read and sing. I’ll tell you how hard I’m working and you’ll go and find something else to do.

And some day soon when I think of you at night, you’ll be bigger and you’ll have your own life. I’ll remember all the amazing times we had together when you were small.

And I’ll wish that there had been more. I’ll wish that I could have had more time with my beautiful children when they were young.

But not yet. Tonight when I think about you I’ll think of my future self. I’ll think of my regret at missing your childhood due to work, social media, cooking and cleaning.

And I’ll resolve that tomorrow I’ll take the time to make the most of the amazing little people that you are now. Tomorrow I’ll try harder. Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum.

36 thoughts on “Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum

  1. Sarah MumofThree World

    What a beautiful post. It’s so hard to balance the demands of work and keeping a house running whilst also looking after the kids, but you know you’re doing a great job of being a mum! And it’s not actually good for kids to have your undivided attention all of the time anyway! They need to learn to play and amuse themselves and interact with each other without having Mummy there doing it all for them all the time. x
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…Silent Sunday 6.12.15My Profile

  2. claire witt

    What a lovely post and thanks so much for sharing, as mothers i think we all go through the battle of knowing whether were doing enough with our children and do have that guilt in our stomaches when somedays we are just really busy and have to work. I definitely think its great for children to learn to play alone and build their own imagination when needed! I tend to say ‘just give me a minute’ and usually after 10 i stop myself and give them some attention to break it up and keep everyone happy! 🙂
    claire witt recently posted…Meal Plan for the Week 4th- 10th DecemberMy Profile

    1. monsteridNatalie Ray Post author

      Thank you Claire. I do agree, it’s great for children to learn to use their imagination and play alone but I find it heartbreaking when I look up from my work and one of them is standing on their own when I know I should be there playing with them.x

  3. Amy

    Oh goodness, not often I am moved to tears but my eyes were stinging reading this. Having teenagers this rings so true it’s unreal. I try so bloody hard. It to repeat the mistakes of the past with Rose but have to face facts that sometimes I am not able to give her enough time. It’s really tough when you work from home and I totally get this.

    Beautiful post nat thank you xx
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  4. Lisa Backsnbumps

    A very honest post and that’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. No one tells you about the guilt you’ll feel when you become a mum and that there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do. At least our kids see how hard we work and learn that you have to work hard to have nice things in life x
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  5. Debbie

    Hi Natlie, this is a lovely post. We will never be perfect parents, but as long as we keep on striving to be the best we can, we can’t go wrong. Appreciate all the small things your children do or say, quietly celebrate ‘moments’ and know that whatever happens in the future you are being the best Mum your can be to your children.

    It won’t be too long before my ‘little girl’ (whose now bigger than me) will be making her own way in the big, bad world. And It’s going to be a happy/ sad time for sure.


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    1. monsteridNatalie Ray Post author

      Thank you Debbie. I totally agree, the little things and trying our best are so important. I’m dreading getting to the point you’re at now, I miss them if they go to my dad’s for an hour and he only lives across the road!xx

  6. Jenny

    Oh it really is real life isn’t it? I feel like lately I have been having the same dreams that tomorrow I will be better at this or that or give more attention and time but I just don’t have it because like you said work has to be done, house work, and meals etc and that puts pressure and time capsules on everything doesn’t it? Great post. #love2blog
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  7. Alice

    I really loved this post. It’s easy to get bogged down with all our commitments. I really try not to work on the laptop or my phone when Amelia’s around but it’s hard not to sometimes pick it up and check things etc. but I don’t think it means you need to be better mum as it sounds like your doing a pretty good job!!! :)) xx
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  8. Jenna

    I think all mums can relate to this. There are days when I lose my patience far too quickly and then spend a lot of time regretting it. Tomorrow is always another day, that’s what I tell myself. xx

  9. Beth Owen

    I think most of us parents think like this if I am honest. I often think this, especially when I have been extremely busy in the day and I think to myself in the evening that I have not done enough with the kids. Bless. Well done for sharing this post. x
    Beth Owen recently posted…Plans For Our Kitchen in FutureMy Profile

  10. Aimee Foster

    I also work from home, so I can really relate to this. And I lay in bed at night feeling guilty too. I read your blog regularly and I can say with confidence that you are a fantastic mum and doing a great job! Please don’t be so hard on yourself xx

  11. Mummy Lala (Laura)

    This brought a little tear to my eye. What a lovely post! I always go to bed and feel guilty and think that there were so many things I could have done of done better during the day and vow to be better the next day.

    The lack of sleep really can play with your emotions and how you feel and what you do.

    Laura x
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