Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum

To my beautiful girls,

You are the last thing I think about at night when I try to get some sleep.

I think about all the times that day when I’ve raised my voice to you. All the times I’ve had to work when you wanted me to play.

I think about how quickly you’re growing up, how much you are changing. And about the things I miss when I’m not with you.

I remember the times when you’ve been trying to get my attention whilst I’ve been talking or doing something. And the times you’ve asked to paint, bake or sing with me and I’ve said no.

I lie in bed and contemplate how I could have done things better. And I realise that tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum.

Tomorrow, I will let you take your time getting ready to go out. I’ll remember that if we’re late, it doesn’t really matter.

When we’re walking down the road and you don’t want to hold my hand, I won’t get cross. I’ll remember how sensible you are and I’ll let you walk quietly next to me like you always do.

When you ask to help me with the cooking, I’ll find something that you can do. When the dinner is about to burn but you want a cuddle, I’ll stop what I’m doing, because I’m your mum.

When I’m on my phone and you want a chat, I’ll put my phone down and we’ll talk.

We’ll talk about the fun things like Christmas. We’ll go shopping, buy gifts and wrap them together.

We’ll discuss the difficult things too, like where babies come from and why we all have to die. This time, I won’t put your question off for another day.

When you say the same word again and again, I’ll listen harder and try to understand.

When you ask to go to the park in the rain or have a picnic on the lounge floor, we’ll do it. Why wouldn’t we, what does it matter?

And then I’ll drift off to sleep for a few short hours.

Soon, I’ll hear your voices forcing me to wake from dreams of all the wonderful things we’re going to do together.

And I’ll wake up in the real world, the grown up one. The world of sleep deprivation, stress, pressure and a multitude of things that just have to be done.Tomorrow I'll be a better mum

And you’ll be dawdling, singing and wanting to chat when we’re due to be somewhere. I’ll have work pressures, emails pinging into my inbox, people phoning and asking me to take on just one more thing.

There will be bins to put out, floors to clean, dishes that need washing and dinners that need cooking.

And you will still be my beautiful, patient, happy little girls. You’ll keep yourselves entertained. You’ll glance up at me for approval and see that I’m busy.

You’ll ask me to come to you, to play, read and sing. I’ll tell you how hard I’m working and you’ll go and find something else to do.

And some day soon when I think of you at night, you’ll be bigger and you’ll have your own life. I’ll remember all the amazing times we had together when you were small.

And I’ll wish that there had been more. I’ll wish that I could have had more time with my beautiful children when they were young.

But not yet. Tonight when I think about you I’ll think of my future self. I’ll think of my regret at missing your childhood due to work, social media, cooking and cleaning.

And I’ll resolve that tomorrow I’ll take the time to make the most of the amazing little people that you are now. Tomorrow I’ll try harder. Tomorrow I’ll be a better mum.

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35 Comments

    • monsterid December 7, 2015 / 12:08 am

      Thank you. I will certainly be trying harder tomorrow.x

  1. December 5, 2015 / 11:23 am

    My lovely you need to read up on ‘good enough parenting’ 😉 You’re kids have so much more of you than many because you work from home, you’re doing great at the parenting malarkey xxx
    maz recently posted…Autumn leaves and bark rubbingsMy Profile

    • monsterid December 7, 2015 / 12:08 am

      Thank you Maz. You’ve mentioned good enough parenting before and it sounds so logical. I think I will read up on it, thank you.xx

  2. December 5, 2015 / 5:12 pm

    Oh this has made me well up. I can totally relate to this. I’m actually planning on cutting back my other commitments so I can have more time – and patience – for my boys x
    Sian QuiteFranklySheSaid recently posted…Mini Style: Finn + EmmaMy Profile

    • monsterid December 7, 2015 / 12:07 am

      Thank you Sian. I hope that one day I’ll be able to cut back on things to have more time with the girls too.x

  3. December 6, 2015 / 7:09 am

    What a beautiful post. It’s so hard to balance the demands of work and keeping a house running whilst also looking after the kids, but you know you’re doing a great job of being a mum! And it’s not actually good for kids to have your undivided attention all of the time anyway! They need to learn to play and amuse themselves and interact with each other without having Mummy there doing it all for them all the time. x
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…Silent Sunday 6.12.15My Profile

    • monsterid December 7, 2015 / 12:06 am

      Thank you Sarah. You’re so right about them needing to be able to amuse themselves as well, I need to remember this sometimes.x

  4. December 6, 2015 / 9:58 am

    What a lovely post and thanks so much for sharing, as mothers i think we all go through the battle of knowing whether were doing enough with our children and do have that guilt in our stomaches when somedays we are just really busy and have to work. I definitely think its great for children to learn to play alone and build their own imagination when needed! I tend to say ‘just give me a minute’ and usually after 10 i stop myself and give them some attention to break it up and keep everyone happy! 🙂
    claire witt recently posted…Meal Plan for the Week 4th- 10th DecemberMy Profile

    • monsterid December 7, 2015 / 12:02 am

      Thank you Claire. I do agree, it’s great for children to learn to use their imagination and play alone but I find it heartbreaking when I look up from my work and one of them is standing on their own when I know I should be there playing with them.x

  5. December 6, 2015 / 3:55 pm

    I think it’s hard trying to find a balance with children. Of course, we would all like to give them our full and divided attention but sometimes that cannot happen xx
    Michaela Britton recently posted…Pampers Baby-Dry PantsMy Profile

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:58 pm

      Thank you Michaela, I totally agree. I feel so terrible that I can’t do it though and I do think that I could probably do more.x

  6. December 6, 2015 / 5:15 pm

    Oh goodness, not often I am moved to tears but my eyes were stinging reading this. Having teenagers this rings so true it’s unreal. I try so bloody hard. It to repeat the mistakes of the past with Rose but have to face facts that sometimes I am not able to give her enough time. It’s really tough when you work from home and I totally get this.

    Beautiful post nat thank you xx
    Amy recently posted…Win free bed linen from elinens for LIFEMy Profile

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:56 pm

      Thank you Amy and sorry to upset you. You’re so right, it’s really tough working from home but I wouldn’t change it for the world.xx

  7. December 6, 2015 / 6:42 pm

    A very honest post and that’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. No one tells you about the guilt you’ll feel when you become a mum and that there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do. At least our kids see how hard we work and learn that you have to work hard to have nice things in life x
    Lisa Backsnbumps recently posted…33 Weeks Pregnant – 3 is the magic numberMy Profile

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:55 pm

      Thank you Lisa. That’s a really good point about children learning that you have to work for what you want. What a lovely way to look at things.x

  8. Debbie
    December 6, 2015 / 6:44 pm

    Hi Natlie, this is a lovely post. We will never be perfect parents, but as long as we keep on striving to be the best we can, we can’t go wrong. Appreciate all the small things your children do or say, quietly celebrate ‘moments’ and know that whatever happens in the future you are being the best Mum your can be to your children.

    It won’t be too long before my ‘little girl’ (whose now bigger than me) will be making her own way in the big, bad world. And It’s going to be a happy/ sad time for sure.

    xx

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…Baby Gecko Out Of HibernationMy Profile

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:54 pm

      Thank you Debbie. I totally agree, the little things and trying our best are so important. I’m dreading getting to the point you’re at now, I miss them if they go to my dad’s for an hour and he only lives across the road!xx

  9. Jenny
    December 6, 2015 / 7:31 pm

    Oh it really is real life isn’t it? I feel like lately I have been having the same dreams that tomorrow I will be better at this or that or give more attention and time but I just don’t have it because like you said work has to be done, house work, and meals etc and that puts pressure and time capsules on everything doesn’t it? Great post. #love2blog
    Jenny recently posted…Letters to Him & Her ~ #37My Profile

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:53 pm

      Thank you Jenny. I do try every day to do things a little bit better. I know I’ll never get it right but at least looking back I’ll know that I tried.x

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:52 pm

      Thank you Jodie, I hope they will understand that I tried.x

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:51 pm

      Thank you Joanna. I’ve always felt guilty at the slightest little thing. It’s a horrible feeling and so much worse when you’re a mum!x

  10. December 6, 2015 / 9:24 pm

    Oh – this made me cry. This is me now. Pickle had an epic tantrum this morning and I crumbled. I love my children so much, but it is so hard sometimes. Kaz x
    Ickle Pickle recently posted…Tiny Clanger Squeeze and Whistle ToyMy Profile

    • monsterid December 6, 2015 / 11:51 pm

      I’m so sorry it upset you. I think we all feel like this at times though, being a mum is so overwhelming isn’t it?x

  11. December 7, 2015 / 7:56 am

    I really loved this post. It’s easy to get bogged down with all our commitments. I really try not to work on the laptop or my phone when Amelia’s around but it’s hard not to sometimes pick it up and check things etc. but I don’t think it means you need to be better mum as it sounds like your doing a pretty good job!!! :)) xx
    Alice recently posted…Christmas with Miles KellyMy Profile

    • monsterid December 19, 2015 / 12:11 am

      Thank you Alice that’s so lovely to read.xx

  12. Jenna
    December 7, 2015 / 10:12 am

    I think all mums can relate to this. There are days when I lose my patience far too quickly and then spend a lot of time regretting it. Tomorrow is always another day, that’s what I tell myself. xx

    • monsterid December 19, 2015 / 12:10 am

      Oh definitely, losing my patience is one of my biggest regrets each day.x

  13. December 7, 2015 / 6:12 pm

    I think most of us parents think like this if I am honest. I often think this, especially when I have been extremely busy in the day and I think to myself in the evening that I have not done enough with the kids. Bless. Well done for sharing this post. x
    Beth Owen recently posted…Plans For Our Kitchen in FutureMy Profile

    • monsterid December 19, 2015 / 12:08 am

      Thank you Beth, I know we all feel it to a certain extent.x

  14. December 8, 2015 / 6:30 pm

    This brought a little tear to my eye. What a lovely post! I always go to bed and feel guilty and think that there were so many things I could have done of done better during the day and vow to be better the next day.

    The lack of sleep really can play with your emotions and how you feel and what you do.

    Laura x
    Mummy Lala (Laura) recently posted…The Stay at Home Crowd #3My Profile

    • monsterid December 19, 2015 / 12:03 am

      Aw thank you Laura. I totally agree on the sleep deprivation. It’s a nightmare!x

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