I’m just a mum like you

You’re a mother. You’ve got the most important job in the world and you’re doing it all wrong.

You’re pregnant and you had a glass of wine. You couldn’t quite put the smoking habit behind you and you took a few puffs. You couldn’t resist the soft cheese or the runny egg. You put your baby at risk.

Don’t you know the responsibility on your shoulders? There is a small person relying on you. So many people wish they could be in your situation, you don’t deserve to be a mum.

You didn’t go to antenatal classes, you weren’t prepared for the birth. You had no birth plan and ended up with medical intervention, drugs being pumped into your baby at the most traumatic time of their life. Don’t you understand what you’ve done? Don’t you care?

You breastfeed your newborn. How will your partner ever bond with the baby if you do all the feeding? You feed in public, don’t you realise the offence you cause?

You feed your baby formula, don’t you think about the harm you are doing? The nutrients, the gut bacteria, the immune system. Everything about your baby is going to suffer for your convenience. We won’t speak of the emotional damage caused by failing to form the maternal bond that breastfeeding creates.

You feed your baby solids before the age of six months? Your child will grow up with food phobias.

You buy processed baby food? Your child will always be a fussy eater. Don’t be surprised if they never eat broccoli. By the age of seven they will probably survive on a diet of white bread and salt.

You breastfeed your toddler? They’re destined to be bullied, a clingy child who won’t know how to socialise with other children. And you dare to carry out this act in public without covering up? This is indecent exposure, a borderline sex offence.

And just look at you. You haven’t washed your hair in days, where is your makeup? Your children are scruffy, your clothes are old, you all look a mess. You are a family of social outcasts.

And you, the pristine, beautiful mum who always looks immaculate. Your children are dressed in the trendiest clothing. They’re spoilt, they have a sense of entitlement and they’ll grow up to be obnoxious and think that society owes them something.

They spent hours playing with the latest gadgets this morning while you got dressed up to the nines. Can’t you see what you’re doing to them? They need your time, not your money.

But wait, who am I to judge?

That pregnant mum who had a drink, she lost her dad last night.

The one who wasn’t prepared for the birth? She worked until the day she went into labour just to make ends meet.

The breastfeeder spent weeks alone in her room in agony. Bleeding, crying and pleading with the baby to latch properly.

The formula feeder couldn’t afford a career break. Her husband was made redundant the night the baby was born.

The mum who always buys baby food in jars never learnt to cook. There was nobody to teach her in the drugs den she grew up in.

The scruffy mum that nobody talks to? Her husband was in an accident and she’s just about holding it together.

The beautiful mum with her perfect hair and immaculate children? She was bullied in school for the way she looked and she’s never going to see her children go through the same ordeal.

I judge them all. They’re different, they don’t do things the same way as me. And everything I do is the best thing for my children. I want to do the best for them in every possible way.

I want the best for them, just like the breastfeeder, the formula feeder, the scruffy one, the beautiful one, the gadget mum, the baby food purchaser and the one who likes a drink.

We’re all doing the best we can by our children. Bringing them up the way we see fit. Trying to keep their hopes and dreams alive and see them grow and blossom into the amazing people they deserve to be.

Perhaps we’re not so different after all.

Don’t judge me, I’m just a mum like you.

Don't judge me I'm just a mum like you. As mums, we all judge each other. But sometimes it pays to remember that we all have our own battles to face.

19 thoughts on “I’m just a mum like you

  1. Sarah MumofThree World

    What a great post and so very true. We all parent slightly differently, but we do what’s best for our children, ourselves and our own family situation. Every family is unique and what works for one won’t work for another.

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  2. Danielle

    I really wish that all mums thought like this. It is super annoying to think everything you are doing is “the right way” to raise a child and everyone else is doing it wrong. Obviously there is room for education and enlightenment in certain areas, but in general I believe that most parenting decisions are made with a specific child in mind: your own. I think most parents do the best they can for their children.
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  3. marianne hopwood

    I didn’t think I was too judgy a parent, until I saw a mum put coke in her babies bottle and prop it in his pushchair to feed himself, until I talked to a mum who’s baby had been in hospital after seizures caused by the sweeteners in the squash she was feeding him and instead of stopping giving him squash she just changed brands, until I saw a mum stub out a fag on her babies pram, until I face painted kids at a local school who had black teeth and a handful of sweets for dinner. Having the odd glass of wine while pregnant is not even on the spectrum of things to be judged on, and those judgy people should come to a place with real ingrained deprivation and then decide if it’s important whether someone else chooses to feed their toddler jar food or not. Even then, should I be judging the parent who lived opposite me who let their small children roam the streets barefoot in the same filthy school uniform week after week, and access their bedroom by climbing up a ladder propped against the outside wall of the house, or should I just feel sad and angry that people have been so neglected themselves that they can’t parent their children safely?
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  4. A Cornish Mum

    I LOVE this! People really are quick to judge and presume the worse. The looks I used to get when Fin was 5 and drinking lucozade were unreal – as you know he’s had type 1 diabetes since age 5 and Lucozade was what we used and still do for when his blood glucose levels dropped – life saving for him, but to others looking in it was a mum giving her little one tooth rotting energy drinks…

    Stevie x
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    1. Natalie Ray Post author

      Thank you Stevie. That’s so true, people just don’t think of what someone else’s situation is do they? So sad to judge other people because of your own ignorance but I’m sure I’ve done it in the past as well.x

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