1. Nobody in the house has a full pair of undamaged shoes. You consider sending the children out in odd shoes. Or no shoes. Which is best? Serious question.
2. You are running out of ways to explain the mysterious bite marks on your children’s favourite toys. “The dog ate it” just seems such a weak excuse. After all, it never worked at school.
3. You suddenly know a lot more people. This is despite having lived in the same house for 12 years and spoken to virtually nobody. You are no longer invisible, everyone wants to stop for a chat.
4. The older dog, the cat and even the children suddenly don’t seem so badly behaved. After all, none of them have ever stolen and wee’d on anybody’s birth certificate.
5. You always have dog pooh bags and a never ending supply of warm, soggy and slightly smelly cheese in your pocket.
6. You go for a day out to a farm park and your toddler speaks to the reindeer in an authoritative voice, commanding them to “Get down” and “Sit”. She genuinely believes they are going to listen.
7. The same toddler has ditched her imaginary friend in favour of an imaginary dog, called lemon. Lemon is still learning to walk nicely on the lead so she has to have a lot of treats.
8. The baby crawled off and you told her to “Stay.” You might have accidentally called her Bubbles. But only once or twice. A day.