A reason a season or a lifetime
I am a constant source of disappointment to my surprisingly sociable husband. Don’t worry, I’m not oversharing about a serious issue in our marriage. We simply have rather different ideas about friendship.
A reason, a season or a lifetime
There is a quote about people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I think on face value this is a bit callous. There doesn’t need to be a reason to be around someone, enjoying their company is enough.
And yet, there is some logic in it, when you take it to it’s simplest form. The majority of people won’t be around for a lifetime. And for me, that’s not what friendship is about.
Living in the moment
My husband would have me rounding up old friends like sheep every time I moan about being a social outcast. Yes, I do that a lot. Moaning about being a social outcast that is, not rounding up sheep.
The reality is, friendships come and go. Distance, time and social circles can all mean that we drift apart. But that doesn’t have to be permanent. There are a couple of people I’ve lost touch with over the years, only to strike up a friendship again at a later date. And at the right time, the friendship became stronger and more meaningful than ever.
Admittedly, I could have done better at keeping in touch over the years, we all could. But in the end, it didn’t matter.
Accepting friendship for what it is
My husband is a good friend. He keeps in touch with people he’s known for years, he picks up the phone and chats to them. Relatively regularly. Even if they don’t do the same for him. And because he does that, they keep in touch. They meet up and enjoy each other’s company. He comes home with a smile on his face and life goes on.
But for me, that’s not necessarily what friendship is about. Sometimes, people come storming into your life and you instantly get along. Support, companionship and help when it’s needed are all there within the shortest space of time. Because those are the people you’re supposed to be with right now.
And in time, they too will drift away, as they always do. But the longevity of a friendship doesn’t define it.
A friend is a friend, whether that’s for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
I don’t think friendship is about always being in contact – but I do struggle to understand how people can spend so much together and seem to mean so much – and then are just suddenly nasty and spiteful
Love this! My husband is the sociable one in our family too. I’ve actually surprised myself by making a few new friends over the last year, which I have never really done before! No doubt they will be around for a few years, but one of them is particularly special to me and I might go as far as to call her my best friend
I love this. I think there are times in our lives when the friends we have are those who are just right. Some of them stay, some of them drift away, but that doesn’t make them less of a friend. Some of the friends who have come back into my life from uni days have surprised me – they’re rarely the ones I was closest to at the time, but each friendship has enriched my life in many ways and I’m thankful for them all – however fleeting. I’m not very good at keeping in touch either – other than via social media. My hubby is similar to yours – he’s much better at picking up the phone and arranging to meet up with his friends x
Yes, you’re right. I guess people are there in our lives at the time when we need them the most.
Nat.x
Hi Nat, I totally agree with this. I could be classed as a terrible friend as I don’t feel the need to stay in touch constantly. For me, the best friends are like old fluffy socks, always comfortable to wear, even if you’ve not worn them for months… They will always be there, not in the forefront or in my pocket desperately needing constant attention, but just there, in the background to get together when we can and not to judge or place pressure.
xx
Yes you’re right, sometimes it’s great to catch up with someone after a long time and discover that things are just the same as they always were.
Nat.x
Men seem to be so much better at friendship than woman. They are happy if they go a long time without speaking or seeing each other. Whereas woman tend to think that means there must be a problem with our friendship. But generally its just that life is busy and gets in the way! I could learn so much from my husband and how he sees friendship x
Yes I think you’re right, we probably do read too deeply into things don’t we?
Nat.x
I often sit and reflect on friendships and I think that I’m probably more in your husband’s camp than yours. Friendships are so important to me that I will hang on to them whatever the price! My husband tells me to let go and probably somewhere in the middle is the perfect solution. My husband has very few friends but he is loyal to them. He has lost touch with all of his old friends purely because he doesn’t see the point!
Yes, I think you’re right. There probably is a middle ground somewhere between the two.
Nat.x
I think I am probably the more sociable one in our family. I do sometimes find it sad when friendships wane, but you are right some people do not stay in contact forever and our lives do move on. But I am also totally rubbish at picking up the phone.
I guess that’s the problem, if we’re all a bit rubbish then nobody gets in touch. It is a shame.
Nat.x
This is really interesting. I wish I was more like your husband – I think that making an effort to stay in touch, consistently, pays dividends. But I always seem to get so caught up in the everyday, that life moves on and I realise I haven’t seen or spoken to someone for years….
I think you’re right, it’s definitely a better way to be but I’m like you, suddenly realising it has been years.
Nat.x
I’m with you on this one.
If it wasn’t for Facebook I don’t think I’d have any contact with people from the different stages of my life.
As this stage of my life, I’ve actually abandoned friends in real life. I see people I know out and about and have a quick chat, but that’s it.
The only people I’d call friends are all on the tinterweb.
Yes, I feel very similar Alan. I don’t speak to that many people outside of family, other than people on the school run. I’m lucky that some of the other parents have been lovely so I do tend to speak to someone most days.
Nat.x
Great post. I am terrible at staying in touch and friends do drift away – but they are still meaningful and valuable to me and I appreciate what our friendship meant whilst we were close.
Thank you. I do wish I was better at keeping in touch, it’s definitely my own fault but it’s still sad and I do appreciate the friendships I once had.
Nat.x
I enjoyed this post. I feel since hitting my 30’s friendships are so much tougher. I try to keep in touch as much as possible and I also try to stay mindful that people are busy. It makes me feel sad losing friendships but I agree that they come and go.
Yes you’re right, I guess it’s just a time when life gets busy? And yes, it is sad to lose them but it’s part of life.
Nat.x
Really interesting and struck a chord with me. I seem to have lost touch with two really close friends over the last couple of years. Not anyone’s fault, just everyone is busy and life gets in the way but it is really sad.
Ah that’s a shame, but you’re right, life just does get in the way.
Nat.x