A week in the life of a cat

If you are a cat lover (I’m not personally, can’t stand the things), then you have probably watched a programme called “The Secret Life of Cats” or something similar.

Well I’m here to tell you it’s nonsense. I’d like to share with you a typical week in my life. I am a cat of many talents and as they say, variety is the spice of life.  

So, here is my week, I’ve thrown in a few pictures of me for your enjoyment. 

Sunday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

Monday: Eat, sleep, repeat. 

Tuesday: Eat, sleep, repeat. Early night tonight so I’m settled down in my favourite drawer by 8:30 pm. 

Wednesday: Had a lie in. Woke up at 11 am. Too much sleep. Too much energy. Things to do, people to see. 

11:01 am: Run. 37 circles of the house, anticlockwise. 

11:03 am: Drink water. Overbalance, fall in the dog bowl. Must be the dog’s fault. Locate the dog and torture him. 

11:27 am: Dog is begging for mercy, I’m bored. Enlist his help to chase a pigeon. Kill the pigeon with only minimal help from the dog.

11:29 am: Visiting hours. Seek out cat hating neighbours. Enter their house and stare at them for 22 minutes. 

11:41 am: Leave the house and poo in their garden. Time to find someone who loves me. 

11:49 am: Arrive to visit elderly lady up the road. 

11:51 am: Realise that I’ve got too much energy today for caring for elderly neighbours, allow her to thank me for my presence and leave to run home. 

11:54 am: Chased by a dog. Ran into a garage door. Had to get rescued by the man that lives in my house (the children call him dad) oh the shame. 

11:58 am: Fetch my dog and go back with reinforcements to sort that dog out. Can’t find it, walk to the fields to chase my dog. 

12:34 am: Lunch time. The baby is waggling her feet. Her tights are too big. I must catch them. Attack the tights. Attack, attack, attack. Claws stuck. Scrabble franticly to release. Face plant. 

12:39 am: Eat my lunch. I’m on a diet so I am only eating triangular shaped biscuits. I have eaten all the triangles. Chase the “mum” around the house for three hours and 19 minutes. 

3:58 pm: The dad is due home any minute and I’ve forgotten to poo where he parks his motorbike. Squeeze one out in the nick of time.

4:11 pm: Chase the children’s bubbles until they cry. 

4:28 pm: Make a cup of tea. 

4:39 pm: Nap time. I’m not supposed to have favourites as the family pet, but this one is so nice and quiet. 

5:37 pm: The people are eating again. Climb up the back of a chair and watch. Fall off. Resume my triangle only diet. 

5:43 pm: Leave the house to partake in neighbourhood watch. Watch the neighbourhood cats for exactly three hours from under the car. Chase off passing dogs. 

8:43 pm: Somebody is trying to work. This will not be tolerated. Stare. 

9.21 pm: Work has not ceased and I am furious. Wait for the dog to go to sleep and run at him roaring like a lion. Scratch his nose. Run away. 

9:22 pm: Play the tambourine. 

10:02 pm: Bed time. Curl up in my favourite cupboard. 

Thursday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

Friday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

Saturday: Eat, sleep, repeat.