Permission to be happy

This is a collaborative post.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I want my daughters to know that they are enough. Which got me thinking. The girls are so young at the moment that they wouldn’t understand the sentiment of my post even if I read it to them. Realistically it will be a good few years before they can read and understand it. But will that be too late?

Being the example

Three and four year olds don’t learn by reading information. It’s arguable that they only take in a limited amount of what they’re told. They learn by doing things themselves. And they learn by example. When they’re teenagers, I hope that they will read my post and know that they are loved, just as they are. I hope that by then they will be happy, rounded individuals who love and respect themselves.

But in reality, expecting them to respect themselves without some guidance is asking too much. I tell them every day that I love them and I’m proud of them. And I hope my words give them confidence and they know they are loved. But children copy the behaviour they see around them and I know that my behaviour can often fall short.

I am enough

Because, through necessity, I have become someone who puts myself last. The children are my priority of course. I make sure they have everything they need. When they are ill, I drop everything. If they need me, I’m there and when they want something I get it for them – within reason of course.

And my husband is good at doing what makes him happy. He finds the time to learn the accordion, watch television, exercise and see his friends. He had an opportunity to go away for a couple of weeks to have intensive physiotherapy for an injury so he did it. Because I picked up the slack at home.

I try to find time for me as well, but it’s so tough. My next priority after the children is work. Let’s face it, we need the money. I also take the dogs out twice a day every day, almost without fail. And then, if I can, I exercise. I’ve started to do that first thing in the morning so it doesn’t disrupt what anybody else is doing, and every Wednesday evening I run with my friend.

But as for doing things I just enjoy? It’s rare. I take opportunities through the blog to go to amazing events. I went to Blog On last weekend too. But I always feel like I need to justify it. “It’s for the blog, I’m working.” And my husband isn’t much better. We always take a sly dig at each other when one of us does something fun or buys something for ourselves. And we shouldn’t. We deserve to treat ourselves, we all do.

Putting it right

I’ve become so aware of this that I’m determined to put it right. This weekend I’m at an amazing spa with my sister. Okay I’ll be reviewing it, but it’s still an experience that I’ll enjoy. I’ve started to treat myself to some new clothes and accessories too. I bought a fab dress for the blog conference I went to and picked up some new tops at the same time.

I’ve even treated myself to some gorgeous new Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses from SmartBuy Glasses. I treated the girls to a pair of Raybans each as well, what do you think?

You might notice that there is someone missing from this post. Having said that my husband and I both need to treat ourselves, I haven’t got him a pair of sunglasses. Smart Buy Glasses have a great gift guide and I pretty much know which pair he’d go for. But my husband does treat himself to expensive sunglasses every now and then. And if I’m honest he has a bit of a history with them. But that’s a story for another day.

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Please note, the sunglasses featured in this post were sent to me to allow me to feature them on the blog and I was compensated for my time. All views, opinions and expensive sunglasses are mine and not my husband's.

13 Comments

  1. June 3, 2017 / 9:27 am

    This is a bit spooky, ten minutes before reading this post I was looking for a new pair of Bloc sunnies. I already have three pairs but I also wanted to treat myself.

    I think it’s important for us to remember that we work to live and NOT the other way around!
    xx
    Melanie Chadd recently posted…A weekend in AviemoreMy Profile

  2. June 3, 2017 / 11:54 pm

    Yes, yes, yes…I am often wrecked with guilt if I did anything or bought anything for myself. But this year, I have decided that I have to do things for myself, if I wanted to remain sane and like what you say, show my kids that it is important that they take care of themselves too. I am busy but I am happy and even though my kids are my world, my work and writing does bring meaning to my life as well and that is something I want to tell my kids. That there are things outside the family that can add so much more to your life.

  3. June 4, 2017 / 4:04 pm

    Hi Nat, too right! It may not come naturally, but we do need to think of ourselves every now and again. It does become easier as children get older, but I still tend to think of the family (including the animals) first.

    Decent sunglasses are a must (we only have one set of eyes) and I like to get a pair every other year (always in the sales!), but this year I’ve been considering only renewing the lenses in my glasses to save on the cost, but after reading this I may replace them as usual.

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…There’s Nothing Like A Good StretchMy Profile

    • monsterid June 5, 2017 / 6:57 pm

      Thank you Debbie, you’re right you should definitely treat yourself to the glasses.
      Nat.x

  4. June 5, 2017 / 6:40 am

    Can so relate to this. I think we’ve all been there. It’s very hard to put yourself anything other than last when the kids are at home. With all my kids at school, I can put myself first in the daytime. Well, kind of. I’m working and doing bits of housework, but at least I’m doing it at my own pace and without interruption. It’s still very rare for me to go out anywhere or buy myself anything though! My husband says I do too much for the kids, but I learned from a mum who did too much for us and it’s hard to change!
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…Wychwood Festival 2017My Profile

    • monsterid June 5, 2017 / 6:56 pm

      Thank you Sarah, it’s great to hear it gets a bit easier when the children start school!
      Nat.x

  5. June 5, 2017 / 11:49 am

    Love the sunglasses! It’s so important to make time for ourselves too and give ourselves permission to be happy – but so hard to do sometimes! I think we can all relate to that feeling of putting ourselves last and feeling a little guilty if we do something just for ourselves. Glad you managed to make time for yourself and enjoying a mini spa break x

    • monsterid June 5, 2017 / 6:47 pm

      Thank you. And yes I agree it’s difficult, but I feel so much better for it.
      Nat.x

  6. June 5, 2017 / 2:49 pm

    My husband is a sunglasses addict! But it’s something that I am rubbish at buying for myself, mainly because like you I don’t treat myself. I always put myself last and everyone else before me. I guess my time will come when the girls are a bit older. Love the sunglasses, the girls look so cute in them x

    • monsterid June 5, 2017 / 6:41 pm

      Haha my husband would be a sunglasses addict too if I’d let him 😉
      Nat.x

  7. June 6, 2017 / 2:45 pm

    This is so me – to the point where if I try and get enough sleep (usually a nap in the day because I have been up too late) I feel lazy – even though I haven’t had the number of hours I need. The glasses look fantastic. We should arrange to do lunch x
    pinkoddy recently posted…Cotswold Adventures Bushcraft CourseMy Profile

    • monsterid June 11, 2017 / 7:48 am

      Oh yes, I would love to meet you for lunch! And I could really do with more sleep too, a nap in the day sounds imminently sensible!
      Nat.x

  8. June 12, 2017 / 8:19 am

    We all need time to do things for ourselves and be happy. A lot of things make me happy, but right now I think sleep would make me happiest of all! Love the sunglasses! x

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