A week in the life of a cat

If you are a cat lover (I’m not personally, can’t stand the things), then you have probably watched a programme called “The Secret Life of Cats” or something similar.

Well I’m here to tell you it’s nonsense. I’d like to share with you a typical week in my life. I am a cat of many talents and as they say, variety is the spice of life.  

So, here is my week, I’ve thrown in a few pictures of me for your enjoyment. 

Sunday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

Monday: Eat, sleep, repeat. 

Tuesday: Eat, sleep, repeat. Early night tonight so I’m settled down in my favourite drawer by 8:30 pm. 

Wednesday: Had a lie in. Woke up at 11 am. Too much sleep. Too much energy. Things to do, people to see. 

11:01 am: Run. 37 circles of the house, anticlockwise. 

11:03 am: Drink water. Overbalance, fall in the dog bowl. Must be the dog’s fault. Locate the dog and torture him. 

Jamer 4

11:27 am: Dog is begging for mercy, I’m bored. Enlist his help to chase a pigeon. Kill the pigeon with only minimal help from the dog.

11:29 am: Visiting hours. Seek out cat hating neighbours. Enter their house and stare at them for 22 minutes. 

11:41 am: Leave the house and poo in their garden. Time to find someone who loves me. 

11:49 am: Arrive to visit elderly lady up the road. 

11:51 am: Realise that I’ve got too much energy today for caring for elderly neighbours, allow her to thank me for my presence and leave to run home. 

11:54 am: Chased by a dog. Ran into a garage door. Had to get rescued by the man that lives in my house (the children call him dad) oh the shame. 

11:58 am: Fetch my dog and go back with reinforcements to sort that dog out. Can’t find it, walk to the fields to chase my dog. 

2014-06-05 12.15.18

12:34 am: Lunch time. The baby is waggling her feet. Her tights are too big. I must catch them. Attack the tights. Attack, attack, attack. Claws stuck. Scrabble franticly to release. Face plant. 

12:39 am: Eat my lunch. I’m on a diet so I am only eating triangular shaped biscuits. I have eaten all the triangles. Chase the “mum” around the house for three hours and 19 minutes. 

3:58 pm: The dad is due home any minute and I’ve forgotten to poo where he parks his motorbike. Squeeze one out in the nick of time.

4:11 pm: Chase the children’s bubbles until they cry. 

4:28 pm: Make a cup of tea. 

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4:39 pm: Nap time. I’m not supposed to have favourites as the family pet, but this one is so nice and quiet. 

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5:37 pm: The people are eating again. Climb up the back of a chair and watch. Fall off. Resume my triangle only diet. 

5:43 pm: Leave the house to partake in neighbourhood watch. Watch the neighbourhood cats for exactly three hours from under the car. Chase off passing dogs. 

8:43 pm: Somebody is trying to work. This will not be tolerated. Stare. 

2015-02-07 18.06.10

9.21 pm: Work has not ceased and I am furious. Wait for the dog to go to sleep and run at him roaring like a lion. Scratch his nose. Run away. 

9:22 pm: Play the tambourine. 

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10:02 pm: Bed time. Curl up in my favourite cupboard. 

Thursday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

Friday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

Saturday: Eat, sleep, repeat.

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6 Comments

  1. kidGLloves
    February 19, 2015 / 6:44 am

    The GL Gang say – We LOVE this and WOW!! it is somewhat different from Secret Life of Cats. We do find it funny that you have to poo in the Dad’s parking space!!! #animaltales

    • monsterid February 19, 2015 / 10:07 am

      Ah thank you, glad you enjoyed Jamer’s story 😉

  2. February 20, 2015 / 5:34 am

    You actually talk to the dog, and hang out with him? Wow, I scratch the dogs nose sometimes but I’m not letting them come hunting with me, no way!

    • monsterid February 20, 2015 / 3:25 pm

      I’m a dog person, it’s cats I can’t stand. Dogs are easier to manage, they do as they’re told because they’re too stupid to think for themselves. Cats on the other hand? I’ve only ended up living here because of cats, there were loads of them in my last home and they bullied me. I much prefer dogs. Love Jamer.x

  3. February 24, 2015 / 7:11 am

    Henry here from #AnimalTales. Wow, what a fantastic week you have had … well except for Wednesday which was far too energetic in my opinion. I suggest a bit more “Eat, sleep, repeat” for maximum enjoyment of all 7 days! Yawn.
    Rosie @Eco-Gites of Lenault recently posted…Animal Tales – 13My Profile

    • monsterid February 24, 2015 / 7:34 am

      Thank you Harry. I have a more relaxing week in store this week! Love Jamer.x

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